I suppose it was a good way to spend the last Sunday in 2024 when my choice was to go to a Browns game or sit home after church and watch other NFL teams play solid football.
A friend, however, suggested I join him and another friend at a Harlem Globetrotters game.
Hm-mmm, I thought that was an interesting idea. I mean, the Globetrotters! I can recall my father taking me to see Meadowlark Lemon, the clown prince of basketball, when I was young. Meadowlark dazzled with his hijinks, teaming with Curly Neal to produce basketball like basketball wasn’t supposed to be played. The Trotters proved as entertaining as the Ringling Brothers Circus — for me, for my brothers and for my father.
But these weren’t my father’s Trotters.
I’d like to demand the promoter refund my money. What I saw didn’t even resemble the old Globetrotters. They’ve restyled their uniforms, which was a mistake. But what they actually treated the audience to was far worse: Trotter basketball without the slapstick.
Oh, sure, the pick-and-roll weave always entertains fans like me, particularly when it leads to a high-flying dunk. But an afternoon of dunks proved an afternoon of tedium. It’s one thing for the Globetrotters to dunk all night; it’s an altogether different brand of entertainment when the Washington Generals, their longtime foil, used the dunk as their primary form for scoring.
Now, I appreciate dunks, but not a thousand of them. At some point, the dunk becomes unappealing when so many of the players can’t play high above the rim. That’s what draws interest in it.
Dunks won’t replace the fancy ballhandling that dazzled Trotter fans back when Neal was controlling the bounce of the basketball like it was a yo-yo.
I couldn’t stomach what these Globetrotters looked like. They were dull as Greek yogurt but not nearly as good for my health. At intermission (I refuse to call this spectacle a halftime), I left my friends in our seats and spent the second half walking the concourse in Rocket Mortgage Arena.
Well, at least I got my steps in.
I suppose I had expectations of comedy basketball that didn’t fit the reality of it. Those Globetrotters aren’t what they used to be, and I’d suggest they take a hard look at the Savannah Bananas to get a sense of comic sports ought to be.
For this ain’t it — not what appeared in this city Sunday afternoon. I think the Trotters should strip fundamental basketball from its play and put back more of the stuff that makes for crazy memories.
I used to believe the Trotters with their trickery could compete against NBA teams, but that’s the thought of a little boy who didn’t know any better. A circus will always be a circus, so don’t turn it into what it can never been.
When the Trotters game ended, the players stuck around and signed autographs. I’m trying to figure out who’d want an autograph from a roster of nobodies. Not a single player stood out as someone whose autograph is worth getting. I hope they didn’t charge for it.
I know not to go to watch the Harlem Globetrotters next holiday season. I’m going to pick the sad-sack Browns over the Globetrotters without hesitation. Unless they can resurrect Meadowlark Lemon.
